partybarackisinthehousetonight:

maybe the sun doesn’t want to be called “hot”. maybe it wants to be called “beautiful”. think before you speak

cumsquats:

*cracks an egg on my head* *a lemon falls out* What a time to be alive

tiger-lilies-and-tortelini:

*clinks glass* i’d like to make a toast. *puts bread in toaster*

theanti90smovement:

yahoo is deleting every blog with less than 100 followers

CEO quoted as saying “I hate nerds”

lameborghini:

my spidey sense is tellin me that ur a little bitch

disneyprincest:

when a female hits puberty, her breasts fill up with milk for her future child and stays there until she dies. thats why, when you die, your body smells because the milk starts to spoil. i took AP biology trust me on this one. 

hungarian:

nowhere in the bible does it say god is not a burrito

tupacabra:

the forced laughter at a video that a friend shows you because you don’t want them to feel bad

meladoodle:

no no no officer you don’t understand, this is medicinal meth